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On Dry Erase Theorem
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by Craig Turnwall
Essayic Canto I
I must say this morning I felt different
though there was nothing new
about me or my eyes. By nothing new I mean there appeared
nothing new other than
the usual glaze and puffy eyelids and a very tiny
feeling that I wanted to make
coffee, which of course I knew was preposterous
considering I don’t even like coffee nor do I know how to
execute the process
which makes it come
alive. I’ve always imagined
that coffee for me would be a
Frankenstein.
What I am trying to tell you deals
with myself and
coffee, or at least it might - and to a
certain lesser
extent, people who drink coffee. I am not what is commonly
referred to as “a morning person,” and though I truly
detest using clichés this enables me to get a very
broad point
across which also allows a
very shallow and discreet
method for kick
starting
your imagination. I do, however know someone who is (a morning
person) and let me reassure you
we are nothing of the same when it
comes to coherence, emotional
stability, motor skills and overall pleasantness when stumbled upon between
three to four
hours of rising. One small variance which I feel
I should mention trickles from the
fact that for the last twenty
two
days I have held sleep as a hostage in my attic, allowing
it neither food nor water, perpetually questioning its silence and involvement
within the lives of normal red blooded
Americans and why it
feels that I have become some type of terrorist
threat to it. It’s pensiveness as of
late has led me to believe that I am beginning to get through, that sleep is beginning to crack. The dangerous and frustrating
part to my whole plan lies in unassuming
facts that it can remain
excruciating calm through interrogation and although base
physical torture has never really been a true and legitimate
choice as a course of
action, it seems to scoff and smile whenever I push on it with negative reinforcement. This in turn leads me to
wonder
who
is
really
being
hurt.
With sleep
chained to a chair, refusing to rot
into submission
inside the attic, I have recessed to other means and
methods for passing the long January
evenings and late nights, though sleep
is constantly revealing its
unwillingness
for bondage by cooing muffled siren songs through the ceiling
and scratching its fingernails on the pull down
ladder door
which conveniently enough for it, lies directly
above my
bathroom toilet. Sleep
is smart.
But getting back to
morning people. I’ve come to believe
morning people
belong to a different mold of humanity than others
such as myself. Not to
insinuate in any case a nature of defect on one spectrum
or improvement on the other, only
to set a measure of
comparison as to allow you, yourself as the
reader, an opening with which
to choose
and compare your own slumber
peccadilloes.
For most of my childhood life I, along
with what I now perceive to be
many, tried to walk in harmony with the people of the morning
only to find that the strange
and intense ability
to stay tired while still maintaining a permanent
routine of sleeping atypically late
gravitationally
affected my
REM away
from the conventional
patterns of repose and led it into a state of consciousness and mental
cognition I like to call
Bio-Nocturnal Awareness Frustration which I would like
to imagine can be
formulated as;
[((Dissent ≥ (A) Non-Conformity) (Perceived Questions of Motive))] ≥ Irrational Process – Intention +/- Results (Harmony)² ≥ Realized Thought ≤ √Prime.
Now let it be said
however, that I am not in any form
or function a mathematician of any
kind, only that I believe it to be true and somewhat proportionality
idealistic to my own sub-
culture - though nine nights
with a dry erase board will lead most
people to find beliefs and convictions they did not know previously
existed. This is not a point however. What I would like focus
on is the square
root of
Prime. Though let us
go back to coffee
first.
The idea of coffee
has always seemed irrational
to my
psyche. Not in that I simply do not understand the process
of coffee; roasted beans
to grounds
to measurement
to filter to hot water through
filter to coffee pot
to cup etc.. The idea of coffee
which does not coagulate for me and others like
myself is the gathering. The gathering and to
a smaller
extent, the coffee
hybrids.
Coffee
hybrids for the non-believer
range in perceived complexity from simple
espressos, cappuccinos and mochas to chaos
theory proportion when dealing with ritualistic
and odd substitutions of soy
milk, rice milk, cinnamon
flavoring or bizarre phrasing such as a cup of something “skinny.” How
do true coffee non-believers
even know
these items and mystifying substitutions to classically
trained cream and/or sugar
exist you may
ask? Easy. We have been on
reconnaissance, keeping hidden tabs and silently
gathering a militia.
Coffee hybrids are not the focus though, as I have said - the
gathering is.
I have always found the
gathering curious, somewhat troubling…I would like
to imagine Aristotle
might have
called
it
an
“idiosynkrasis” if he had observed something similar in his
own time (though I’d really like to imagine him drinking wine from giant pitchers
instead
of coffee
from mugs
in the
morning). Others like myself (again I would like
to imagine) might someday dare to call the gathering something along those
lines, though we rarely
use such words when speaking
of things we do not
philosophically
understand. What Aristotle could not
have
known – and what the gathering does have however, are numbers.
Dissenters
from the gathering such as myself don’t
tend to toil over too many of
the small details which pair us on the other side, nor
do we even try to
inspire an “other side” or a more confrontational “us vs.
them” mentality when speaking
to brethren
engaged in
struggle…though for some this works. For others it is insomnia
induced side-effects such
as Bio-Nocturnal Awareness Frustration which shed
small insights into
the gathering. I am fairly confident I am
not the only sufferer, though our numbers
may be small in comparison to the armada of coffee
conquistadors.
But what IS
the gathering you are still probably
asking? It should now be said that the gathering
is not one simple event, gatherings have learned to
multiply. Whomever
sparked this flame of coffee related asexual
reproduction
both I and the remaining dissenters
do not know, but they are happening all around us in
shops and storefronts. I
once heard sleep tap down in Morse code from the
attic, “They are strong in
numbers and
caffeinated
intent…” but it had not repeated the transmission. I imagine it was simply sitting with a sly smile. This begins the idea of the square root of prime.
Now, Bio-
Nocturnal Awareness Frustration counts
on the square root of prime as the
constant in its equation for existence. That is not to say however, that another factor cannot
become
an
unchangeable as well based upon certain
complicated governing
rules of methodology which I will dare to get into here - only that prime is always a
constant…never a variable. Think of the square
root of prime as
more of a device. One used for transport. Morning
people, who tend to not only to be drawn
stronger to the gathering but also account for a large majority
of its elders, rarely engage the
square
root of prime as they are less likely to identify with
symptoms of BNAF. While this has never been
proven in
clinical study, I find it to be more of an acute
observation concerning
what I
and the dissenters know of the gathering and its peculiar
hybrid elements. Sleep, by
maintaining its silence through attrition locked
securely away
over my head, has let the key slip
from its lips without
saying a single word. He too knows
of the gathering, of the
dissenters. Sleep knows
the square
root of prime is
choice. It will
not drink coffee either. Sleep refuses.
Essayic Canto II
Sleep knows
it has made the
choice. To not drink
coffee and to dissent. That in essence, is why I believe
sleep maintains the uncanny ability
to remain silent. Will power,
I venture
to guess, is not part its vocabulary. Only the square
root of prime. Though power may be, I am still uncertain, it does
on occasion ooze with non
-verbal charm and charisma. Its eyes
are that of softness enchained. Sleep ultimately harbors
the patience of
gravity.
Will power
remains an absent mathematical property
within
the
confines of BNAF
because both it, and the square
root of prime, cannot co-exist
equally. I have tried to imagine matter and anti-
matter…served “skinny.”
Repetition has led me to believe “that within, there
can be no sub-atomic peace.” I,
along with
the other dissenters
use this
idea in our literature. We
somehow like it. It works
well with various styles. Sleep taps “no sub-atomic peace”
with its feet
incessantly
on
Sunday mornings. Despite my accusations
and
violent
broom tapping of the
ceiling in my bathroom it will
not confess to
using it
as a
meditational mantra. Sleep
does not meditate.
It has no need. Sleep
is always keen
and
focused.
When I
say that myself
and the other dissenters have literature I
am only telling
a half truth. Our literature is not of the written word. Nor is it of the spoken
word. We
are unable to use these mediums as the gathering
makes large and prosperous
uses of both
forms much to
our, and sleep’s chagrin. Dissenters
of the gathering - in alliance
with sufferers of Bio-
Nocturnal Awareness Frustration such as myself - use what is uncommonly
referred
to as “the unspoken word,” which
I would like to imagine is represented
as [((Dissent ≥ (A) Non-Conformity) (Perceived Questions of Motive))] in
the equational
rendering of BNAF. I, along with the other
dissenters
have learned this to
be the exact
opposite
of Will Power by formulating Sleep’s timed rhythmical
patterns of foot
tapping. Sleep is
cunning. It also keeps a good beat. It knows that Will Power
is equal
to Matter and that Choice equals Anti-Matter. It
also knows
Spoken Word is also equal to Matter and that
Unspoken Word in relationship, equals Anti-Matter. Sleep is not a physicist
however, it
is
a
code talker …
but it knows annihilation
when it
sees it.
Sleep is very methodical;
Will Power = Matter Choice = Anti-Matter
Spoken Word = Matter Unspoken Word = Anti-Matter
It taps…
taps…
taps…especially early
on Sundays, when
it senses that the
gatherings
are
soon
to
begin.
Intricacies
aside, I do not find my affliction of BNAF
to be
an impairment,
though some members
of the gathering
might allude to my current course of
reasoning as “nonsensical” or even “grossly unintelligible.” There
is
no need
for fear. Ill-will does not
exist among the dissenters for the members of the gathering. Members
of the gathering have
automatic
weapons. The dissenters have stone tools. Most times we even forego
our tools to use our
bare hands. We
like
to
feel
our way.
Dissenters are however, quick
and nimble. I
am not
a gifted dissenter in comparison
to some. I am only fairly quick and averagely mobile. Sufferers of BNAF are rarely
quick
and/or
nimble. It
is one of the side effects linked to over usage of erasable
items. Which
is why we stay indoors. This is why I can only reasonably assume
I
am not
the lone Bio-Nocturnal Awareness Frustration
convalescent instead of stating
it as
a fact. Dissenters
don’t use facts in unspoken word
literature. I imagine it has to do with the utilization of Irrational Process
in the
equation, though I am
only partially
sure.
Sleep may know
the answer
but as of yet, it has still not
spoken a single
word to
me. I think I may reduce Sleep’s disturbance-free time in an attempt to tire out its code-
foot. Then again, I feel certain
Sleep
has already
prepared for such a measure. Perhaps
I must try and achieve function by coercing
events
outside
of the box. Sleep does not like leaving
the box. It
somehow finds serenity in angles.
Sleep does not normally indulge itself with civil
disobedience.
I
think
sleep is somehow stating the obvious
by stating nothing
at all. Sleep
is exact. It invented
the unspoken
word. It knows how to use it well. Dissenters
relish
this fact and respect its implications, though it is rarely openly disclosed. I have spotted “gathering”
propaganda and would
like to
imagine that Sleep and the dissenters see the gathering
as a
type
of
civil obedience, though
again…this is
only
a
hypothesis. Suffers of BNAF like myself do not easily spot
such grandiose
ideas, they usually skip us by. We
tend to keep to
ourselves and mind our own affairs. Dissenters
have called and left
voice messages. They have
heard rumors I maintain an ace
card to the
struggle chained to a chair in my attic. It is a
monumental event…what Sleep and I have going on that is. I
believe
it
may
be
harmony.
Sleep is not so sure.
••• View More Work By
Craig Turnwall
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